♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]

oh, Joujou's sick of all the nonsense and internal politics everywhere.

everyone.

GROW THE FUCK UP.

and while you're at it,

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

more to come, its din din time nao.


jou still loves her lovelies!

♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]

one has to wonder,
is there ever a place in this overly modernised,
fast paced world of ours

for a small town, traditional lil gal?

most of the time, i think not.

it goes either way i guess.

either the world gives,
or i do.

simple as that.

but simple?

i think not.

someone stop the world...

im getting lost and left behind.

♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]

oh, is it all a lie?

things in life are so grand, and i can make anything i want happen,

but the most fundamental basic things in my life spiral out of control.

lies lies lies.

everythings such a joke.

isolated while surrounded.

weeping while plastering a smile,

same shit.

stupid joke.

all i can do is fill up my days,

be as happy as can be..

but when i go to bed at night,

alone and cold in a dark, unfeeling room,

it goes back to ground zero,

it floods back.

and me,

what about me?

all i can do is be amazed at how i cant cope even after years and years

of the same shit.

all i can do is feel helpless and sad.

all i can do is cry.

cry, and hope for a better tomorrow.

hope, but knowing that it is unlikely.

take myself to the brink of exhaustion,

because at least then i'll have something to blame.

♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]

hello world, just stopped by to tell you guys that despite everything, im alright and im definately making my way to a better place!

also, on a quick random note, did you know that the original Star Trek series has a theme song? (with lyrics)

this is it:
Beyond
The rim of the star-light
My love
Is wand'ring in star-flight
I know
He'll find in star-clustered reaches
Love,
Strange love a star woman teaches.
I know
His journey ends never
His star trek
Will go on forever.
But tell him
While he wanders his starry sea
Remember, remember me.

i never knew lol.
k, lotsa stuff to deal with and work to be done,
ciao!

p.s. lady gaga in japan and in hello kitty dress.
youtube it, watch it.
lol like i did.
then feel disgusted with her.
;D

♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]

this is my life:

"Troublesome times come upon me in a tidal wave,Moments of grief escalate into years of being heartaches slave.
Depressed and obscured with details of anger and desolation
Tempted to fall over into the river of anguish and aggravation.
Futile attempts to raise myself higher than the average bar
Desperate to salvage the only part of my body left unscarred
This figure encases a soul so tattered and a barely whole heart
Presumptuous assumptions made from the introductions that start
Silence is not my friend and pain is only a brutal reminder of the hurt-
Left in the hallow cactus of your embrace that treats my mouth like the desert;
Behaving in mannerisms that can only concur how sad I truly am inside..
Guilty stares that promise a future full of sinful burdens and distrustful lies.
Bereft arms so lonely and impenetrable to onlooker's foreign gazes of concern-
Guile temptations that seem so surreal and my longing eyes that continue to yearn.
Musical aberrations that seem like a pavements alluring water mirage,
Incapable of being reassured and the symbolism of my angelic facade;
Inscrutable games that mesmerize and capture the attention of those who view,-
A lifeless existence that people who live so happily seem to always misconstrue..
I'm trapped in the ocean of the bluest sorrows to ever be noticed and known;
An indifferent girl who feels torn and with the seams not able to be sewn..."

yes world.
this is how its going down.
I'm aimlessly wandering in a pointless cycle.
I put my effort in its entirety into fixing myself, being a better person.
I try my very hardest but this depression never leaves permanently.
The disappointment in this failure weighs me down further; drains me. How do I force myself to get better again when I know it's gonna come back to this?
The people I love won't let me leave this pointlessness.
They keep me locked prisoner of my futile life.

~You've got to learn to be convenient, lovable; something society will accept, if not welcome~

When faced with the decision of starting over, trying this again,
I end up choosing what will hurt the least people.
But what they don't realise is it's destroying me.

so, where does that leave me?
i mean really, im drained.


i guess i cant really go without putting this one down too; this is my resolve:

"For all those times, you helped a friend
when it was you to blame...
When you were right but you could not fend
do not feel sad, do not carry the guilt

for all those times you gave your heart
you loved and begged for a new start
when they said you were wrong, and pain you had to cart
darling don't you cry, don't tear yourself apart

for all those mistakes you forgave
when you couldn't release your words and acted like a slave
when you had emotions to drop but you waked away
darling don't you weep, don't you cave

back to the moments when you couldn't cry
when you lost your strength,
when you had to lie
when you were powerless and tears left your eye
darling don't look back in anger, don't be shy

For all those times, you said you could face
when you failed and begged time to be erased
when you said it's over and you started to case
darling don't you quit, you know you can win the race

for all those times you felt so bad
when nobody was beside you when you needed a sound
when you couldn't handle it and you yelled out loud
darling don't you worry, you are still a lad

for all those times you devastated your soul
because you lost a friend and tears started to crawl
when you were broken and couldn't role
They were there to tell you:
"Time will fix it all"

yes, the resolve, of course, inspired by a conversation i had earlier on, thank you for listening to me and being there for me.
it might have stopped me from doing something stupid.

i still dont know, im still lost.
im still navigating through life's maze.
im still not ok.
but then again, when have i ever been?

im just touched that you'd listen to me bitch and even bother to cheer me up.
im not ok,
but i'll keep it in mind, and i'll do my best.


goodnight.


*oh, for the fuck of it, just cos i love this song and because its on the radio to "inspire" me*


-

Songs i've been listening to (amongst many others) currently:

• 1234 -plain white ts
• hey there delilah -PWTs
• free bird-Lynard skynard
• comfortably numb-pink floyd
• christy are you doing ok? -the offspring
• talk you down- the script
• beth-kiss

♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]

Not like the other girls

Is she doing OK?

Maybe We're Trying Too Hard

This Drama Filled Fest Is All My Fault I Guess

Cut My Wirsts And Black My Eyes

My Life On [Standby]

Scene Missing..Fade To Black

can she stay strong? can she go on?