hi guys, just a quick update.. to LET YOU KNOW IM STILL ALIVE. cos as most of you know, my computer's on major lock down. stupid viruses. so.. i have about 5 or so minutes before i have to go. involuntarily.
anyway, things have been the same as always, school (jou's working harder now), friends and the occasional meet-ups...going through the motions and what not. I'm still the random fun (slightly screwed) me, and to that, Jou raises her imaginary top-hat.)
I'm SINGLE. and on the market again.
isn't it disgusting how people just hookup and break up so fast and so easily? its like everythings lost its meaning (to say the least, I'm on a timer here or I'd rant a lot more, so count yourselves lucky D=<)
i recently told my sis how i felt, and that made me feel lots better, even though he didn't want me. =P
jou hasn't been feeling very well lately...
umm.. been listening to more and more classical/instrumental stuff recently (on top of everything else i mean)
still reading, writing, painting, sketching...all the usual to pass the lil time i have.
been working out and stuff more lately. its part of my normal routine now =D
i hate reality tv (which is 80% or tv), i hate stupid sitcoms and most of the other stuff on tv. been stoning myself away on cartoons and docu-dramas, discovery and nat-geo. and the crime/police stuff. and house. and family guy. good shite right there.
i miss everyone, that's my life generally for now, ciaos!!
hope i can get things fixed, up and running soon.. i miss the Internets and all my lovelies!!! TT.TT
you must be strong without me!!!
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
yeah. im tired of everything.
Mom's a bitch about everything, and you know with what she's saying that indeed, if even in the world you cant trust or count on a parent, you are truely alone to fight a cold endless war.
things have been rough. then again, things have always been rough. everyone's fighting a battle of their own. i am no acception. i dont know how easy or how tough yours might be, but i dont really care either. i cant help you just like you cant help me. to try is pointless, i know. just know that i cant help you. and i know you cant help me. thats more than enough.
i dont think i'll be here much tonight. i dont really have much to say. i just felt obligated to hump out a post to let you know that im still alive, but not for long i think.
the summary of my past few days (in case that's what youre really here for):
1)took a trip to Bangkok on monday morning. dont feel like elaborating right now. maybe another night.
2)went out with joey today.
3)broke up with my toy. not that i really give a shit.
so much drama. everythings so real and so heavy that it all seems so surreal.
i'll tell you guys more another day. or maybe later. i feel like telling the world whats wrong. but i dont want to think about it right now either. so i'll be back
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
Its just one of those days.
its been like this the past few days. First it was the world closing in on me.. like everyone suddenly felt like ganging up on me or something.
(kinda like this)
and then a couple'a days ago i got into a row with my toy. go figure. i mean, that was like. breaking point or something. from there on i just really couldnt be bothered with anything.
so just like that ive been hanging inbetween everything. but somehow its probably good in a sense that ive been taking time off for just myself and some of my work. so there has to be some good that's come outta this right? ((btw, everythings more or less okie between us. for now anyway))
you know how people say that when one door closes, tonnes more open up? sure, it sounds good in theory, but you know? it just means that like everything else in life, when it seems like youve gained, you really dont get a choice over what happens, and most doors open up letting something horrible rush and attach itself to you.
Jou's not happy.
So tonight there's this thing going on downstiars. some over noisy pre-wedding event. mushy dedications, cheesy vows and the whole romatic music thing, "how i met.." "oh we're SO in love" "blah blah forever blah blah". the whole anchelada.. its so overly optimistic sounding, so naive.. its positively annoying, because we ALL know the story and how its going to turn out. its sickening and positively disgusting.
random rants. ftw.
my life right now.
anyways, the announcements *drum roll goes here*
1)Jou's offering to make more pretty arts for you guys. drop me a line if you want it. also, i like arts and signs from you guys. =P
2)Jou's going to be putting in a "mp3 of the week" segment. i'll post lyrics every sunday (and maybe the mp3 or vid if i have time to upload it)
3)im doing a weekly "RBT" section (random bus thoughts). at least one post about it weekly (on sunday)
4)I've been getting a lot of random "why dont you put in art daily??".. i wish i could, but im not that talented or quick. i'll put art in as and when i finish something i deem worthy or putting up kays? =)
5)im posting poetry/lyrics/stories/theories/comic strips/ other shite whenever i can. i cant say its worth reading much, but if youre reading my blog, well, then you must have some reason to want to read my stuff?
6)weekly secrets! one every sunday! (you guys can send me stuff annon too if you want. create a fake email account or something) jou loves postsecret =P
thats about it i think. anyway, im done for now. ciao babes~! till tomorrow.
im off to hate the world. and maybe do some social studies.
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
You know.. I've become so much of a shopaholic lately.. i spend a lot of my in between time during school at Bugis... and my after school time is spent going out with tatporn and ivy (mostly we hang around bugis(everywhere near and in between)/city hall and occasionally Vivocity or Orchard). I often find myself just getting lost in the mountains of commercial crap being sold, and a lil part of me loving it. i like Squiehies, i like looking at clothes (for various reasons. its either I'm getting ideas on how to edit and custom my stuff so it looks like its full of win, or I'm making mental notes and snide comments on how stupid and fugly everything is), Books and stationery are an absolute must, accessories and just anything that happens to catch my fancy. and its nice to hang out with friends while shopping.. looking at junk and chatting away like there's no tomorrow and the occasional random things.. its just nice.
yesterday me and Ji shu set out to get some accessories, but ended up browsing through the whole of the first level of the bugis mall before she remembered that she had another appointment she was late for. lol we also dropped by Popular.. i ended up getting some stationery that i didn't really need (but had the urge to get). nothing special, just stuff that i could use like...a green and pink pen.. (because when i write, the world has to instantly know its mine)...4 penknives (which i did originally have intentions for buying, but meh) and some correction fluid. I'm surprised i didn't buy at least 3 notebooks. (I'm really into notebooks too)
in the beginning, we set off to Popular because i needed to pick up my Much Ado About Nothing for literature.. but dammit, they were just sold out when i got there. Thank god the guy managed to help me reserve one at the Tampines branch. (there were only a few copies left.)
right. so.. after Ji shu "ditched" me, i made my merry merry way down to tampines.originally, i planned to take 63 all the way home before transferring onto 65 to go down to tampines (minimum total time taken to get there would have been... 1 hour and a half? thereabout.) yeah.. i had a lot of time. Mum and the Lil one were at my aunts place.. in Bishan. no friggin way was i heading that far down. i was already half dead. so i thought I'd just push myself hard and run my errands.
but on the other hand, i realised how much i missed my Zar, so i gave her a lil ring, and.. lo and behold! we managed to meet up for awhile! she even brought her pal.. who's name.. unfortunately.. escapes me right now. (sorry unknown friend~!)
had a damn good time. just being there. it was.. refreshing to say the least.
*coughguysparaingisweirdandgheycough*
moving on...
LOL I've actually been working harder a lil. been going to class more regularly and completing most assignments. i still didn't think i can catch up, but at least I'm making a bit more of an effort right?
...jump forward to today.
its been damn weird. sub-scandals going on in school, a new classmate, shopping, how fast everything passes you by, Oey being free to hang with me but me being tied up (its usually the other way around), that lil talk we had over coffee, how for once the world seems to be leaving me alone... and so much more. its just been really weird. The lapse in things and the subtle seriousness of it all building to chaos and ruin. i don't really know how my going to handle all of this, but somehow, i know it'll ultimately be me standing alone with my back to the world, as it should be for everyone else.
well.. aside from that, today.. surprisingly my cell wasn't busy at all. i barely got any calls/messages from anyone. tatporn and i met early in the morning for breakfast, courtesy of the Science period in the morning.. we had about an hour.. which we spent in McDonalds. its really almost part of our (temporarily) daily schedule.. to have breakfast there i mean. ..after school we hung around Bugis briefly before heading to Vivo. we hit Candy Empire (because she was getting gifts for her friends).. got a lil something for ourselves too, the Zinc shop because.. Jou's bag strap finally died on her.. and although i could have just gotten it replaced, i still felt that odd urge to get a bag, so i gave in. we went to Page One for a bit and the headed to *Starbucks* for coffee (the second time it's on Mrs Harris~! Danke).. as you read earlier, we spent a lot of time chatting there (we always do)... lighthearted, joking, and laced with a subtle melancholy and seriousness, but mostly care.. i had a good time. then.. to Diaso we went.. picked up more lil gifts, she got book endings and i got some letter-writing paper. we also checked out Minitoons and ActionCity. LOL LOVE the stuff there.. (especially that Plush Condom thing) LOL been finding stuff that just *is* wrong (in that oh-so-sweet way) all day long..
on another note, Ive actually been really down about a lot of things lately.
but I'm occupying myself with the image in mind that: if i work on something else, maybe i can pretend that I'll naturally forget. i hate it though.
i have a tonne of new poetry and songs that i started but never could bring myself to finish. and art that just remains incomplete and totally unprofessional looking (In my opinion). i cant really being myself to do anything decent (now we all know why I'm back on updates and announcements). there's a pile of unsent mail on my desk waiting to be sent out. i don't particularly care for anything anymore. I've felt like calling up anyone. just so i wouldn't feel so alone and helpless. but i cant really deal with people right now either. i just want to be alone. i just want the world to listen. i just want to curl up into a ball and die. I've been feeling so tired for so long that when one of these attacks suddenly just happens, it feels like what couldn't have crashed down further in my life.. just did.
its gotten to a point where every waking moment seems like its neverneding..where even breathing hurts. and I'm really scared. i don't know how much more of this i can take. i know I'm known to say things like this often. but i do honestly feel the way that i do. i don't know.
well, that's enough of my ramblings today. that's been the past couple'a days in a nutshell. i should be getting down to my assignments anyways. updates soon, Jou gives her word... and next time.. the post wont only have bolds and italics for emphasis (see what i just did there??), but more emotes and piccys so you guys wont die reading my wall of text (i know you hate me for it).. don't hate, I'm just not in the mood for it today.
ciaos.
((BTW Zar, if you get the chance to read this.. i DIDN'T meet up with Matt and Gang the other day. i ducked out and spent 45 mins walking/sitting in the rain before heading up to my home..you didn't miss anything..LOL))
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
OhLawdyLawdyLawdy! its been wayyyyy too long since Jou made a lil ole post... well, Jou dragged herself outta bed this morning (partly for porn and breakfast.. which i didnt get down to having... and texting some peeps
) soso.. as you guys may or may not have noticed... Jou obviously skipped out on clases this morning.. AGAIN. eh.. me and the lil one stayed up late last night...
well.. nothing much's changed... its all relitavely the same cycle... butbut. OH. Jou's aunt from the US touched down sometime last week... she'll be here for a couple more weeks before heading back...
andandandand. Jou's been writing letters! like snail mail letters! me finally got down to doing that.. so, some of you lucky lucky people in my life (you know who you are, my pretties... you shall be expecting mail of some mail soon~!
)OHOHOH. Jou's got a new "toy"
lol in my opinion.. it just moved soooo fast, it was hard to get a handle on. it seemed.. surreal even.. like a dream or something that i should be expecting to wake up from anytime soon...
see... we got together on the very very same night that we had just gotten to know each other.. now, given all my experience, im usually not one to fall for something like that. sure, im open about things, but even an idiot knows when she's being played for a sucker right? somehow.. it just didnt apply in this situation.. it was just this feeling.. like.. i had known him for a long time. a sort of comfort and ease that's just plain hard to explian. (even though i was still really cautious not to let myself fall too fast. most of the time you can expect "hook ups" like this to end in the Wham-Bam-Thank-You-M'am kinda way.. with you feeling used and horrible and cheap at the least. or even worse if you actually put feelings in.)
But.. im just so happy with him. he's just so precious... andand we get along soooo well.! (lol finally, someone who can put up with Jou in large doses!
) To my precious lil darling...
LOL but DAMN, sweetheart, you really waste no time huh?
okie.. anyways...
I'll be dedicating a WHOLE post to announcements.. so watch out for that! its coming up later..
bye bye lovelies
OH, *dashes back* Jou's VERY PROUD OF HERSELF. she slept with the lights OFF last night.
after her recent CREEPYPASTA (click here) scare a few weeks back..(STFU, I know its bad for me, but i FUCKING LOVE scaring me ) she's been staying up till sunrise or sleeping with the lights on. YAY JOU~!
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
Not like the other girls
Is she doing OK?
Maybe We're Trying Too Hard
This Drama Filled Fest Is All My Fault I Guess
Cut My Wirsts And Black My Eyes
My Life On [Standby]
Scene Missing..Fade To Black
can she stay strong? can she go on?
by The JavaScript Source