so.. my sunday was freaky.
it was slow moving in the day, and then the night just flew right out the window~ dont you hate it when that happens?? its just so.. surreal~!
did you guys watch the F1 show? i was at home alternating between this thing about Britney and F1 (watching with my mum.. so.. yeah).
my dad and the lil one were on site watching the big race~
..but the lil one was alseep for most part of it.. lol
Alonso WON!! i kinda expected it, but i do remember reading this one interview that they did with him. he said something that was basically "im starting in 15th and on this track, you cant overtake.. so im fucked."
but.. in the end he did win~!!yayness!
...is it possible to race of you cant overtake your opponent?!
anyway,the kicker is that i had a house guest over that night because he won.
i made this lil bet with nothing in particular that if Alonso won, he'd be over that night.
and..
Alonso won.
i had a kickass day.
everyone wins.
haha someone up there likes me~
anyway, let's put that outta our dirty lil minds and let this play around instead:
Zar got some today~
lol i was in the middle of watching some tv and folding the clothes when my phone buzzed... totally random message of the day. about her facial and how her eyes burned...lol?!!
idk, i was totally not used to it... given me being me.. its really unlikely isn't it?!
maybe its the sun out.
its melting my brain i swear... it scorches and burns!!!
so i spent the last night up late (as usual).. surfing through the Holders Series (click) and i happened to come across this particular one about of the Holder of Forever..i had this urge to try it out. mostly cos.. it had to do with mirrors and you all know my fascination with mirrors. Does anyone out there wanna try out Quest Pastas with lil ole meh? (Halloween's coming up, we can do that one with the dead baby that asks you questions and kills people or steals your senses~)
i also started to listen to some stuff on the charts. ..the less crappy stuff, like.. Slipknot's Psychosocial, Metallica's The Day That Never Comes, Jason Mraz's I'm Yours, some stuff by Britney and that Daniel Powter song. just something to pass time by i guess, my music hasn't been my thing lately.
someone.. recommend something worth listening to~!!
me needs to be saved from this dry spell..asap!
got into bed late and got up late.. actually, i got up quite a few times, but i more or less fell back asleep after a half hour.. or.. i just lay in bed and listened to the world going about its business. I've been doing that a lot lately...
well, i guess I'll pick up a couple'a songs to entertain myself with.
aside from some e-lit and some rough sketches, i haven't been doing much artistically...
argh~!!
I'll probably be scrap booking.. after receiving countless cards from my dearest Zar and going through them, I've been itching to try my hand at scrap booking..
and...
i guess that was my start down memory lane.
throughout last night i started digging deeper and deeper, and i went way back to when i was just a kid..thought about things that've been happening since, up to the present moment... and started to just let all those feelings and memories flood back to me. every smile, every tear, every best friend, every event, everything basically...now I'm hiding in my room, kinda in a state of limbo, not here but not quite there...and just hanging in between. its somewhat like lethargy on the outside, but you know its not.
so... instead of moping about, i got busy. did housework, laundry, started packing and clearing things... and now that its all done, im just sitting here typing about it... listening to Boys Like Girls.
they have some pretty good stuff... i loved them the minute i heard The Great Escape (it was and still is one of my fave feel good songs out there
) and Thunder just brings a tear to my eye. lolits just one of those songs that gets to me, for good reason too~
I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Deathcab For a Cutie has pretty much the same effect on me...
This is my fave cover on youtube (CLICK)
...
...
yeah, im the sentimental lil girl on the inside.
...
...
...
so... i have 20 or so days till the Big Os.
Is everyone out there ready for it??
i know im not.
ah well, im just looking forward to it being over.
it just seems like everyone suspends life for this one lil paper and they put too much into it.
education is important, even i know that much, but geeze. sometimes people just need to lighten up and realise that its a big big world out there and this is just one lil portion of it...
idk, maybe.. i just have that terrible slacker attitude??
still...
im gonna make it big out there.
im gonna do it.
..rantrantRANT.
butnotreally.
im off to call a couple'a my gal pals, start scrap booking, read, watch some tv, do some work, avoid the sun, do more quizzes on blogthings, creepy surf.. basically, im off to do my million things and yet, nothing at all.
Ciao lovelies~!
oh, btw, thanks for taking care of my lil problem and everything else, my dearest lil boytoy~
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
omg. they're back...
the unrelenting wetdreams that plague me in my sleep.
lol and the weird thing is.. Jou's one of those people who are aware that it is a dream and can contol her dream self.. it was interesting..different positions and techniques.
...
anyway, enough about my dreams.
last night was pretty intense actually. (besides the all-too-vivid-all-too-real dreams i mean)
i spent a good half hour talking with Zar and an hour or so talking with Oey (who i obviously havent talked to in a long long while).. while texting a couple'a my besties. that in itself would have been more than sufficient for me.. cos i was pretty worn out already.. but then i learnt from Nic that.. Avina told her a "susan" has seen nudes of me on my friendster.. which is total bull. i have like..3 shots of me and they're all headshots ( /secretlybob
if you w anna check it out).. unless... someone stole my identity or something?!
sigh..
here we go again with the hours of track backs. (why.. why must you do this to me?!)
as if that wasnt enough to get me going...
...
...
that guy..
started texting me at 2 (right when i was drifting off to lala land). i shall
now proceed to post the convo..cos.. idk, i have this sick notion that i'd feel better if i let it all out. so.. bear with me.
(i'll put down the gist of it at the bottom, so if you dont want to read, just scroll down)
him (2:11)
asleep?
me *grabs phone. wtf..?*
what do you want?
just wanna chat with you
nothing to chat about.
it okay.im just bored.please?
its 2 in the bloody morning. dont you think its at least basic courtsy to not bother anyone at this hour?
come on.it sat night.haha.maybe we could get high.just suggesting.haha.hw you?
seriously. dont you think its just a tad bit rude to text/call in the middle of the night. when people might be sleeping or something?
but last thing you told me you always sleep late on sat night. sorry though.haha.dont you wanna some finger in ya ass before ya sleep?
?
okay. let me get this straight. you come looking for me in the middle of the night and start suggesting filth like that when you know that i dont even want to speak to you and that im happily in a relationship with a wonderful guy? ...why dont you just leave me alone?
how long have you know that guy?
6 years (*)
look,i really love you okay.i nvr give up on you.
yeah. but i dont love you. i dont have any feelings for you. i never had any feelings for you. besides annoyance. please, if you love me, at least respect my decisions and things. i dont want anything to do with you. at all. ever.
that time you told me you not ready for relationship but after afew days, you got a bf. you told me you single since feb.then who Zaryl.
i dont have to explain anything to you. im going to bed. leave me alone.
you lie to me right
that why you cant explain
you promise me thing
i dont have to explain myself to you becuase i just dnt have to. you and i both know that i have my right to do whatever the hell i want. i dont like you. i never did. what do i have to do to make you leave me alone?
if you are someone who dont break promises i dare you to fulfil your promise and i let you go.
ha. bullshit. i dont want you be with you. ever. its not something to threaten me withand i wont do it. so you want me to admit im a liar? well, then i am. you just want me to say what you want to hear, and i just did. now you'll leave me alone wont you?
you promise me that you will let me fuck you one of the day that time. will you fulfil it.
no. i wont. so leave me alone.
i wont.
and i never promised you anthing. get that into your thick skull and fuck off.
you did girl.you did
i never said anything like that. you ASSUMED. leave me the hell alone. im not going to fuck you. i cant stand you. i love my boyfriend. and im more than some object.
you are just scare if pain.
maybe you were too horny when you promised me. that why you forgotten. you justscare cos you now i will fuck you hard that you cant stand it.
no. i have a boyfriend who means the world to me. youre a freak and im not going to sleep with you, no matter what you say, you horny bastard. now leave me the fuck alone.
you just scare la. you cant stand it. you scare pain. cant take it.
please
pls reply
(*) technicality.
the gist of it: he wont stop harrassing me unless i sleep with him.
...im getting really sick of this (and the above happened when i was in a particularly better mood. and he wasnt calling/texting a million times. plus it was late and i was tired. so... you can imagine what its like on a normal basis)
i've been trying to nip this one for about a year now, and its not working. i swear, if i cant do anything about it im going to the cops. for harrassment at least.
i dont think it'll work, but my phone company wont let me block off the number and talking doesnt help. so... im kinda optionless right now.
sigh.
i just hate it when t ings have to get messy like this.
so yeah, im not doing my sunday segement, i just wanted to type this out and feel better. i've got a tonne of tuition work due in a couple'a hours and i should be off.
wish me all the best (with everything)
oh.. and i will tell you guys one more thing that happened last night. she asked me.. and i learnt why she has these mixed feelings about us. she's really concerned (and happy) for me... and i love her to bits for caring so much...thanks babe~
ciao lovelies~!
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
yeah.
so...
...
were any of you guys out there caught in the whole F1 frenzy down in town yesterday?? Jou saw a lot of people she knew. people who she didnt like.
..despite everything, Jou managed to brave the crowds and have a good time out~!
yay me~!!!
i've really been content with life lately.
chaos just doesnt seem as chotic for the time being, and that's something i could really get used to~!
...right then, so.. im "alone" at home (parentals went out for tonights race and the lil one's sleeping..) ..its nice and quiet.. though.. maybe too quiet. my room's been making odd noises all day long. its really really really freaky.
i swear, i've been hearing footsteps and thumps and bumps all day...
*ImNOTlettingitgettoMe*
*ImNOTlettingitgettoMe*
*ImNOTlettingitgettoMe*
*ImNOTlettingitgettoMe*
...
...
but its not exactly working..
i've been reading too much tasty pasta.
lol, well, to avoid thinking about it.. i shall occupy myself with preppy animusic and writing (somthing that i havent touched in awhile actually)
**dear gawd, while i typed that, i got a text message.. my phone vibrated and i shat brix. omgomgomgOMG.
and the people hangin out downstairs arent helping either. i swear, they're laughing like they're possessed or something.
what a night eh?
yeah so...
again, i didnt have much to say, but since some of you guys asked so nicely,
i'll show you the shitty step-by-step for the temptatt on my arm the other day.
mind you, this took me an hour to complete.. and then i washed it off.
*tear*
1) i made a rough outline of what i was going to do (its a flower, for you blind, blind people out there)
2) colors were put in (base shade 02Blush, toning 01Peach)
3) touchups~!
4) the final product! (i did put in a caption, but it wasnt captured in this shot)
all within the hour while i was waiting to call up my gal pal for our usual rag.! (We're going for the anime/cosplay con on the 22nd.)
(oh guys, i wont be doing tomorrows segment, but i'll leave a lil secret now.
as for songs.. i've been doing a lot of random crap lately, so.. dont expect me to name anything now..)
okie, i know. its not excatly a secret,
..but it's something that i do 
secretly ... and.. im just a sucker for cute lil things like this. i'll post an essay i wrote last year too, just cos i happened to come across it just now while looking for condoms in my cupboard.
as awlays, reading my rants are optional and umm. it'll be in purple. so just skip if it you want.
ohoh, lastly, Jou MIGHT be putting up some of her art at the lil red dot or something. no details yet, cos nothing's confirmed, but if there is anything, i'll post details and you guys are all welcome to come~
ciao lovelies~!
'being youreslf' an act of self denial
All through our lives we are bombarded With propoganda, with rhetoric, with persuasion, with temptation. Pressures are placed daily upon our wallets, our beliefs and even the actions with which we define ourselves. Amongst the growing number of trends of self-definition, the backbone of any social stereotype, there has been a recent movement popular amongst those who, rather ironically, hate trends. The Movement is Individualism. The notion that one should shrug off the pressures forced upon them by their peers and communities and simply 'be themselves'.
Being yourself, you own person, free from the confines of peer pressure and popular opinion. The attitude can be loosely sourced from 'being different' the original answer to those who hated the popular culture and those who followed it with blind, unintelligent deference. Some examples of this creed would be 'mosher' 'skater' and 'goth' stereotypes, the buzzwords so commonly slung, like digital cricket balls, accross the internet discussion boards.
As a movement gains populatiry it inevitably negates the purpose of those who first sought to define themselves apart from any popular social movement. Hence we are confronted with a new notion, that to be yourself, and to assert your untethered individuality, is what each person should strive for. The advantage of this movement for individualists is that regardless of how many followers it attracts no one is 'the same' as each is just 'being theirself'.
The sense of self-ownership and direction has become so highly praised in certain circles that instead of the previous situation where one had to be categorized within a certain clique, those who now occupy cliques are looked down upon for being followers, sheep and imbeciles.
The result of this rather drastic detatchment from all forms of community is not, however, the intended self assertion sought by those who attend on it, but rather ironically a firm postulate of self denial. So radical is the need to be different that it is often forgotten just how enjoyable being with others, sharing interests and in-jokes and acting in a manner which creates or follows a certain social stereotype is. In seeking to differentiate themselves they instead achieve exclusion from the things which they, as a person, enjoy the most. And in a society of hedonistic intent, what you enjoy is what you are.
Instead of not playing sport X because everyone else does it and it's for 'jocks' why not play the sport because you enjoy it. Is this not a true assertion of individuality. If you enjoy acting like a jock, then be one, why seek to distinguish yourself from a group.
One common concern is that a person does not wish to be labelled and tied down by the negative stereotypes attatched to a trend. A sportsman does not wish to be branded an idiot, or a geek unattractice. However performing a metamorphosis into a person both you and those around you are happy with is a more positive and advantageous approach than a blindly defiant 'I'm just being myself'. Furthermore adapting into a more socially congruent individual requires a level of self awareness and control far in excess of that which radically detatches itself and is loathe to buy a product because an advert, or their peers, say that it is good.
In essence 'being yourself' does not assert, but denies individuality as you rabidly seek to avoid those things that define you. A self serving definition of myself, by myself as 'a person' neglects the self which has contact with those around you. So make yourself look good when you go out, act up to make yourself a fun and outgoing person - To shape yourself in their perceptions is the ultimate act of control and self worth.
yes, Smoky's MINE.
...
...
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
Not like the other girls
Is she doing OK?
Maybe We're Trying Too Hard
This Drama Filled Fest Is All My Fault I Guess
Cut My Wirsts And Black My Eyes
My Life On [Standby]
Scene Missing..Fade To Black
can she stay strong? can she go on?
by The JavaScript Source