♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]

Darkness.

Neither Diana nor her companions in the boundless heavens grace me with their persence.

initially, the feeling ambushed and utterly filled my senses.

The sweet, slightly dense smell of the brewing storm filled my lungs.

A breeze, gentle and slightly cold brushed and caressed my skin, freezing my senses.

the damp, earthy smell in the air, coupled with that of the rain gave a certain, intangiable quality to everything.

the coldness does not cease to torment me on this night.

In this dead silence and isolation, i strain my ears to catch a whisper from the world that i am not alone.

Slience ensues.

beautiful, clear, untainted,unearthly, torturous silence.

it completely overpowers and lingers till all i can do is hold myself and beg for comfort and warmth that i know i will not find tonight.

In my silence, i shall await the pale, cold light of a new day.

In silence, time shall pass me by.

Under the dark, unforgiving sky, In nothing but Silence's company, with the cold leaving lingering kisses upon my skin...

I wait.

"please come soon"

♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]

"Happiness all seems to be myth.
a midst all our pain,
we search in vain."

I'm sitting here watching the rain,
Casting a shadow over the pain,
I cannot cry, I can barely breathe at all.

all of the raindrops drip to the ground.

Ive been here for hours just watching the rain.

♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]

hello.

im getting fucking annoyed with stupid fucks who keep texting me.

apparently my number is going around with the promise of free sex on a bus (these particular guys get it off a 156, if anyone was wondering).

and some of them seem to have the twisted idea in their heads that i put it up myself.

they dont seem to understand the concept of a girl being decent and having dignity and self-worth.. (at the very least)

im getting very pissed off.

as i type this, im sending out a hundred different emails so see what can be done about this.

also, i have told most of them that i am not interested in anything that has to do with them, and to leave me alone.
if they continue to harass me, i will make sure they get whats coming to them.

im tired of taking this lying down and having to roll over to accommodate sick fucks like that.

the joke has worn quite thin, and im fucking sick of being perceived as some cheap whore.

if nothing gets done about it, i will be very very angry, and some of you guys who have seen me angry know that thats the last thing anyone wants to have to be around for.

♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]

hello.


lately it seems that more and more people that i dont particularly like dealing with have been trying to get back into contact with me.
how bothersome.

its like.. i deal with a bunch of them, settle things and make things clear...

and then another hoard comes in.

its just never ending.

as of this morning, i've dealt with 7 different guys who were all irritating fucks.
(one of them even proposed that we get a room and that "wat ur bf dont know wont hurt him.. i hv a gf as well.. but it will b a one time thing.. then wont do it again, plus ur open so i think it shouldn b a problem at all...")
i promptly replied that i wasnt cheap and easy like that, i wouldnt ever dream of cheating on my boy and that i actually had the decency and that i respected and loved my boy too much to even want to do anything like that.
i then proceeded to tell him to leave me alone and not bother trying to persue anything, and not to text me again.

and it seems that some dickshit left my number on the bus, and i have to deal with a new guy who decided to text me yesterevening.


he constantly texts me (and can be quite insistant that i talk to him), initially, with the intention of "just being friends", but it seems that it has progressed.
he's been telling me that he thinks im special and that he's trying to court me.
knowing that i have a boyfriend that im happily in a relationship with (he asks constantly and i repeat everything again and again)
which is really irritating, because i keep insisting that im happily in a relationship and i dont intend on having that change anytime soon.
period.

i sense anoher situation where the guy is overly persistent.
it really is bothersome, because he apparently sees Smokey as a "challenge", and i really hate to be objectified like that.
as a person, i do have thoughts and opinions and a mind of my own too.
and this guy doesnt even know me.

what is the world coming to?
we all toss around the words "special" and "love" and shit like that so much that everything that was once sacred (and should remain that way) has its core-meaning torn away from it and ripped to shreads.

its disgusting.

downright filthy and disgusting.

if this keeps up, i'll probably be changing my phone number and my msn.
though, im really hoping it doesnt come down to that.



fuck.

to all those douchebags out there who go by,
im making it clear now:

IM IN A LOVING HAPPY RELAIONSHIP WITH AN AMAZING GUY WHO MEANS THE WORLD TO ME.
IM NOT CHEAING ON HIM OR BREAKI NG THINGS OFF WITH HIM.
PERIOD.
IM HAPPY IN MY RELAIONSHIP.
EVERYONE FUCK OFF.
I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU THINK I AM,
BUT IM MORE THAN YOUR OTHER CHEAP EASY SLUTS.
FUCK OFF.

♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]

hello.

yes, im back from my trip.
i do owe you guys a nice lil post with details (the next one that i do)

so anyway, its almost 2 am.
im sitting here, cloaked in the dim, warm light my computer screen provides, thinking about the long, intense conversation i had with 2of my best friends.
a part of me is overjoyed that we are indeed still as close as ever (if not closer), and that we still connect on such a deep level.
these are indeed people i would be lost without, and i cant imagine life without them.

however, some of the topics that came up in our discussion, while being somewhat lighthearted seeming, were laced with dead serious undertones, and the topics we spoke of really got me thinking...
about everything... and reconsidering possibilities and scenarios that i have already played out in my head.

i know that they only say these things because they truely care for me (and they are very sharp when it comes to breaking things down and portraying them just as they are).

a lot of what they said really had an effect on me, not only because i myself have considered things like that, but also because they are outsiders and can probably see the bigger picture beter than i can. moreover, they are my friends, and i value their input as aswell.

i dont think they see the things that i do, and they dont know the situation as well as i do, but they are quie on the ball when it comes to what they think is going on Vs what actually going on.

i realise now that a very serious, heavy burden is upon my shoulders; a choice must be made, and made soon.

i am quite certain about where i stand with it though, and i think i have alreay come to a conclusion sbconsciously.
however, i will wait it out as much as possibe, see how things play out and make a decission from there on.

i do know that there are certain issues that i should raise immediately, and i will find a good opportunity to voice my concerns.
i know that most of them should be unfounded, but i do have a very strong feeling that things will indeed play out the way they have in my mind.
it definately wont be the prettiest scenario, nor will i be the most pleasant, but i do understand that it is something that i must do, so that we can both be clear on where we stand, therefore, allowing us to make the right decission.

i just hope and pray that things will work out (as does everyone else.)
im prepared for things to fall apart, but i still dont think i would take it very well. i am, of course, hoping that it will never have to come down to that.

i must clear things up, for both our sakes and hope for the best, then make one of the most important decissions that i will ever have to make.
though, i deep in my heart, i already know the path that i have choosen, and i am certain that i will see it through to the end.


goodnight world.

♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]

hello.

as you all know, Jou is almost done with her papers. (last one is on Monday)
i'd like to tell you guys that:
I WILL NOT BE HERE FROM THE 11th-14th. YOU MAY TEXT ME, BUT IT IS LIKELY THAT I WILL NOT BE ENTERTAINING YOU UNLESS IT IS ABSOLTELY IMPORTANT.
that is all.

but seriously, its weird how time passes so fast... and i've been sleeping most of my days away. yesterday.. today.. so much more lately. its odd, because im not usually the sort to need this much sleep..
it seems like has taken the fast track once again, and everything is speeding by.
i mean, there are always periods like this, but its just going by so quickly suddenly.. its hard to wrap your mind around it.
or maybe im one of those "stick in the mud" people?
so much has been going on lately.. and yes, drama seems to be addicted to me, but oddly enough, its been peacefully dramatic.
ironic, i know.

Drama.. its strange that people think that im agything worth talking about, but it seems that i am quite a hot topic..(and we all know that people like that obviously have nothing better to do because.. let's be honest here for a sec.. there are bagillions of other things worth talking about in the world and you picked me..?! you must be some kind of desperate).
and i think i like that.
im proudly the AttentionWhore sort, and i do love things like this, just because its entertaining to sit back and laugh about it.. its only when the people i care abou get inconvenienced or hurt by it that it really bothers me.
if anyone's got anything to say, the smartest thing to do would be to hear it straight from the horses mouth, no?

and another thing, what is the world coming to when you see a feeble, tired old man in the wheelchair trying desperately to get across the road and you look over and see Suits just standing around on their cells, waiting for cabs or whatever... just totally oblivios or ignorant.

thats what i saw today on my way to the exam hall.
it really pissed me off that those able bodied dickshits couldnt even lend a hand to their fellow man.
honestly, what the fuck is wrong with people these days?
have we hit a low so low that we can turn a blind eye to another's suffering without even feeling a bit of guilt or remorse for not helping?

so, despite being a lil late, i helped the guy across the street.. hell, i would have even pushed him to whereever he needed to go, but i couldnt really afford the extra time.
still, i'd like to think that at least i helped him a bit.


anyway, im going to stray from the randomness now, cos i need to confirm my travel plans and make plans for tomorrow and shite.
and im going to work on my projects.

as always, take care~

Ciao Lovelies~!!

♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]

Not like the other girls

Is she doing OK?

Maybe We're Trying Too Hard

This Drama Filled Fest Is All My Fault I Guess

Cut My Wirsts And Black My Eyes

My Life On [Standby]

Scene Missing..Fade To Black

can she stay strong? can she go on?