Attn world: i have stopped caring.
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
today, i watched an episode of The Simpsons.
it really made me think: is it possible? that sometimes i dont know how to be 'human'? and, as a human, is it really alright for me to be obnoxious and selfish and angry?
somehow i just cant find it in me.
i like to think of myself as one of those people who lives their lives detached but helps out as much as possible.
it seems lately that all i can do is cry and feel bad about things.
like reading a book or watching a movie, life plays out in front of me and all i can do is sit and watch as it spirals downwards to the end.
sometimes the movie's good and you feel happy and laugh for all those in it. somtimes you feel their pain, and feel sad for them; with them.
sometimes you feel so helpless when bad things happen, but all you can do is remind yourself that it's just a movie, preset, and there's nothing you can do to help, so you just sit there and feel sad or angry.
sometimes you just want to slap them to wake them up.
but really, all you want to do deep down, is make things better and lessen suffering.
but it is merely a movie, and you, a ghost in their world.
forever gazing on, but going through things when you try to touch them.
words so full of life and advice and symphaty, but mostly, reassurance and hope and love, all fall, all empty and all wasted, onto ears that cannot not listen.
so i sit and continue to watch, hoping and praying desperately.
i wonder though, when the movie's over and the curtains go down,
will the lights that come on be bright enough for me to find my way out of the empty theatre?
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
Sooner or later we begin to understand that love is
more than verses on valentines and romance in the movies.
We begin to know that love is here and now,
real and true, the most important thing in our lives.
For love is the creator of our favorite memories and the foundation of our fondest dreams.
Love is a promise that is always kept, a fortune that can never be spent, a seed that can flourish in even the most unlikely of places.
And this radiance that never fades, this mysterious and magical joy, is the greatest treasure of all -- one known only by those who love....
*i know things are bad, but please, take my hand and put your faith in me, let me be the one to show you there is so much to live for.
let me show you the wonders of the word and all the possibilities.
just take my hand, trust me, close your eyes and let me take you to wonderous places while you rest and heal*
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
Jou seems to have lost her voice.
=(
its sorethroat-y and super hurt-y.
TT__TT
its your job to do your bestest to ease her suffering.
please.
maybe do a lil jig to a jaunty tune or something.
=)
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
Work: It is the secret of success.
Play: It is the symbol of youthfulness.
Read: It is the source of knowledge.
Think: It is the strength of the mind.
Love: It is the sacrament of life.
Dream: It is the soul of aspiration.
Help: It is the secret of happiness.
Laugh: It is the song of experience.
Pray: It is the source of strength.
Plan: It is the secret of being able to have time for all of the above.
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
i feel so heartbroken.
so sad.
so..useless.
today is the only time a cat has needed me.
today is the day i could only spend awhile sitting with it.
it snuggled up to me and everything.
it followed me home.
it meowed this really sad 'DONT LEAVE ME" meow
and was going to follow me into the lift.
i couldn't let it.
i want to go back down and look for it and bring it back home and love it.
i feel so sad.
=(
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
fucked.
fucked fucked fucked.
everything's fucked.
fucked up with my friends.
fucked up with my family.
fucked up my studies.
fucked up everything.
fucked up because i fucked up.
i fucked everything up.
well you know what?
i quit.
i quit i quit i quit.
im so fucking tired of everything.
so fucking tired.
i quit.
im tired of always being wrong.
im tired of always fucking up.
im so fucking tired of every fucking thing in my goddamn fucked up shithole of a life.
i give up.
i just give up.
no more art.
no more studies.
no more family.
no more friends.
no more talking.
no more writing.
no more eating.
no more anything.
im tired. im tired. im tired.
i give up.
i give up.
this time its for real.
im too tired and there's nothing left for me.
im not fucking buildin myself up anymore.
if i could, i wouldn't even breathe anymore.
i dont want to go on anymore.
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
a quick question to anyone: how do you deal with your rage?
i am a "bottle-it-up" middlechild who has run out of options.
since i gave up self harm and the binge/purge/vommit routine, though im probably better off health-wise, i haven't been able to cope with my internal rage as well.
most of the time i want to smash glass or smash someone's face in.
and so on.
i want to yell and kick and cry it all out.
but because of certain circumstances, i cant.
im biting my lip till its beyond bleeding.
writing and talkng about it with someone else makes no difference to me.
in fact, im tired of always having to be the adult in things and thus, settle for the "second-best" option.
the joke was in bad taste to begin with and i've grown quite tired of it.
thank you for your time.
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
today's realisation is nostalgia.
no, no.
i am usually the sort, but i don't get overly sentimental about it.
today though, i went on a Disney binge.
yes, i was brought up in the day where disney was more than questionable half talented preteens looking for nothing more than advertising and a platform to take off from.
back in the day, they made movies with morals and feeling and all splashed from the begining to the end.
i chose some of my faves today:
Mulan, Sleeping Beauty, Snow-white, Beauty and the Beast etc (yes, i know disney messed up the original and cleaned it up, but hey, they were good movies)
particularly, i came across 2 dvds that i haven't seen in awhile:
The Fox and The Hound and Dumbo.
those particular two always get to me and make me BAWWW.
lol.
disney generally has that effect on me, but those 2 in particular really just get to me.
anyway, i don't really have the time to be here.
i've finally got it all in place, just need to work out some kinks and it shold be smooth sailing.
*countdown with me guys!! i've got about 2 months and a week to prepare*
...
...
im going to go baww somemore and stuff.
goddammit disney.
even toy story makes me baww.
and the little mermaid.
fuck.
dammit. i has to go now.
lol.
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
-
Grey clouds overhead; The rain falls mercilessly
as a broken heart weeps; tears mending wounds slowly.
...if you guys dont already know this about me, the rain really gets me all sentimental and stuff.
cold weather generally.
Past couple'a days have been cold and grey and rainy.
and i've been thinking mostly.
shut in with myself and my mind.
but im ok.
its just the usual passing thoughts that take refuge in my mind from time to time.
sometimes they do overstay their welcome,
but they are company on the greyest of days.
♥ Explains Now...[Clearly]
Not like the other girls
Is she doing OK?
Maybe We're Trying Too Hard
This Drama Filled Fest Is All My Fault I Guess
Cut My Wirsts And Black My Eyes
My Life On [Standby]
Scene Missing..Fade To Black
can she stay strong? can she go on?
by The JavaScript Source